Wanna Feel Better? Then Love on Yourself!
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Joy is juice. Pleasure is the nectar that keeps us going.
Yet there are lots of excellent reasons to feel like f***ing s*** these days. And feeling like crud is bad for writers. It blocks us from flowing when we really need to keep going.
Getting dumped; getting fired (another kind of dumped); losing your friend group in a break up (yet another kind of dumped); fights with anybody important to you — family/partner/spouse/offspring/sibling/co-worker; toxic work environment; narcissistic anything and narcissists everywhere; asking somebody out only to get turned down; asking somebody out who only strings you along without a clean and honest rejection; one-sided friendships; moving to a new place where you know nobody and the culture is not friendly; realizing that the good buddy you lent money to will never pay you back; getting into a car accident; lousy customer service; deliberate rudeness…this list could go on for eternity.
Unfortunately, there is an abundance of unkindness in the world. People treat each other with disrespect all the time, and many of us are stressed and unhappy as a result.
That being the case, can we always rely on outside sources — like supportive friends and healthy relationships — for our contentment and happiness?
In my opinion, the answer is no. We need to get really, really good at filling our own wells.
How do we do that?
Again, this is an opinion: we can do that through the pursuit of pleasure, particularly the kinds that bring us to joy.
This may sound frivolous to some. Pleasure is dessert, not dinner.
And can we honestly say that the concept of joy receives the cultural respect it deserves? I came across a Ted Talk that addresses this topic, which I’ll post at the end of this article — because I want you to finish reading this. Of course.
Pleasure is extremely important. I think it’s far more crucial than people want to admit.
Stop and think about those stellar moments, when you feel amazing and your being is in a delicious state of lightness, when all your cares fall away, and you settle fully in the present. What comes not only to your mind, but to your heart?
Joy.
It doesn’t matter how you got there. What matters is that every single one of those pleasurable moments adds joy to your well, to your inner reserves that give you strength and resilience.
Those moments of pleasure remind you that life is worth living. So later, when one of the miseries strikes you, that nourishment will be there to sustain you.
Joy is juice. Pleasure is the nectar that keeps us going.
As we all know, loving, healthy relationships and true friends are the main source of juice and nectar.
But life happens. There are times when we don’t have that loving partner or our healthy friends are caught up in their own lives. Or both. Sometimes there’s nobody available to help you feel better.
These are the times to love on yourself.
Allow me to share a few of my go-to’s when it comes to bringing on the bliss. I’ll start with something simple.
Get thee to a waterfall.
I can’t encourage this enough. The powerful force of falling water does something to us on a cellular level. The negative hydrogen ions released from the splitting water molecules enter our bloodstream and increase our levels of serotonin — which relieves stress and depression.
Trust me. It works.
I’ve sat before a waterfall in a state of raging despair. When I left an hour or so later, no matter how devastated I was when I arrived, I left feeling serene.
My problems hadn’t gone away, but I wasn’t in a pretzel over them either.
Of course, not everybody can get to a waterfall readily without some kind of road trip involved. But if you can, do it.
If a waterfall is not readily available, any source of running water — such as rivers, creeks, or the ocean — will still be helpful. Even an indoor water fountain that makes that gurgling sound that’s agreeable to your ears will do some good.
Here’s another bliss blast that is not dependent on nature. This is not for the faint of heart. But damn, it works.
HOT Sauna followed with COLD plunge. Run HOT and COLD for several rounds.
Work up to this however you want.
Sauna for as long as you can stand it and submerge in a chill tub (I think this is far more powerful than a cold shower) for as many seconds as you can take it. Increase your time with each round. Take the heat until the sweat pours off of you, then immerse your torso, hands, feet, and head in a cold tub. The longer you do each, the more you get out of it.
Physically, this is amazing for lymphatic drainage. But emotionally, it pushes the ICK right out of you. It is impossible to feel depressed, anxious, or angry after going HOT and COLD for several rounds.
Once you get accustomed to this, you’ll find yourself craving the cold. You will find intense pleasure in the COLD the longer you stay in it.
The bliss is indescribable. You’re buzzing and floating and overwhelmed with well-being. You have to experience it for yourself to know how awesome it is.
And you’ll feel like a badass.
But there’s another juicy benefit of the practice of HOT Sauna followed with COLD Plunge.
Better Orgasms.
Which brings me to my last go-to.
Make love to yourself.
I mean that literally. What better way to love on yourself than to…well, really love on yourself?
I recommend this to everybody, even those with awesome sex lives with loving sweeties.
Who can truly be your own best lover more than you?
Use your imagination and get creative. There’s no excuse not to explore variety, because there are all kinds of books, methods, and sex toys to play with.
It’s win, Win, and WIN for anybody who takes the time and makes the effort.
Besides creating your own ecstasy with self-love and orgasms, masturbation will make you a better lover.
Beyond the obvious reasons of knowing your body and telling your inner shame monster to get lost, you’ll be more present in your body — not your head — the next time you have a lover in your bed.
So there you have some go-to’s for getting your bliss on. So get busy and love on yourself. You’ll feel better.
Oh, and wear bright colors. Click here that Ted Talk I mentioned earlier.