3 Ways to Self-Love That Helps Writer's Block

Image by John Hain from Pixabay

I started writing for Medium a couple of days ago because:

 

1) I can get paid and I like getting paid and,

 

2) I have the freedom to write about anything and everything I want, and… still get paid. Which I like. A lot.

 

I can’t do that on this blog because everything I’ve read about blogging recommends getting specific in my topics.

 

Besides it’s evolved to cover writing prompts, novel excerpts, and resurfacing my On the Road journal sent to my friends when I was on my DIY booktour/roadtrip.

 

In other words, this blog is all things Indie Author oriented, and that can be very limiting.

 

Then it occurred to me that the article I wrote this morning could be useful to writers for writer’s block.

 

The article was originally titled: 3 Ways to Self-Love After a Breakup – Or for any other reason you feel like dog s***.

 

Since love and creativity draw from the same well, it made sense to include it here.

 

Besides writers have relationships and go through breakups, and one of the unfortunate side effects of that is…writer’s block.

 

So here is that list of some of my favorite self-love, self-care, feel-goodies that have been very effective at getting me out of my funk…and out of writer’s block.

 

This also ties in to my recent (as in yesterday) article on transforming loneliness into lovely solitude. If you’d like to dash over to Medium to read that article, you can find it here: https://medium.com/@freeflyingpress/how-loneliness-became-blessed-solitude-2ee28f891896

 

By the way, these tips work for everything – not just breakups and writer’s block.

 

1. DANCE

 

I mean dance your butt off for at least 1 hour. This to me is the most powerful of everything I recommend.

Image by Yerson Retamal from Pixabay

 

Dance, besides being really good for your body, releases those endorphins that make you feel all is right in the world.

 

The more your cut loose, the more you shake it, the more likely you’ll get to bliss. And you want to get to bliss when you feel like dog s***.

 

The easiest is to dance in your living room or any other space where you can let go to your favorite playlist of beloved dance songs. And if you don’t have one, make one. Make several.

                       

**My personal recommendations to include in your dance playlist songs that are dominated by percussion/drumming and/or didgeridoo. There is something cathartic about dancing to those instruments that is truly transformative.

           

If you live in an urban area or artsy town that has an Ecstatic Dance – also called 5 Rhythms or Soul Motion – I strongly recommend you start going on the regular. Ecstatic dance sets, if done right, are created to move energy and generate emotional release.

           

Another option is if there is a lot of live music – go out and dance in a crowd.

           

I’m not quick to recommend dance nightclubs because the darkness and the vibe often make me feel alienated and alone in a crowd. On the other hand, I’ve had some great dance offs in nightclubs. I guess it depends on what your jam is. If that works for you, go for it.

 

2. Hiking or Walking

 

What this really comes down to is get outside and move your body.

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

 

Ideally, you live someplace close to lots of beauty of forests, streams, and waterfalls. If you can, get out in that beautiful nature and allow it to heal your heart and so

 

If you can’t, find the prettiest neighborhood in your town with lots of trees and flowers and bushes and plants and walk around.

 

Hikes naturally take longer; but if you’re neighborhood walking, go for at least 45 minutes.

 

Do not stroll, walk briskly with long strides and swinging arms and breathe deeply through your nose to take in all the scents.

 

3. Shaking

 

Now, it’s time to get a little freaky because this practice makes you look crazy to the casual observer.

Image by Monikas_Wunderwelt from Pixabay

 

That said, it’s worth it.

 

To deliberate shake your body is amazing therapy. Everything we experience is stored in our bodies - everything from the beautiful to the ugly. But the ugly adds up. By literally shaking every part of your body, you’re shaking it OUT OF YOU.

 

It works even better if you speak gibberish afterwards – sounds that make no sense and form no coherent words for a minute or two. This is the part that makes you look insane. But it works.

 

This was a crucial practice after my recent breakup. I went through a period of feeling numb and disconnected.

 

I became acutely aware of this when I went to a Tantra Festival where everybody else was in a warm, touchy-feely, happy space and I wasn’t. Things shifted after one workshop, when the facilitator started the dance practice with a several minutes of shaking followed by gibberish.

 

That practice made me feel alive again.

Below is a video that shows a basic shaking practice that isn’t too mortifying (although the narrator does a little gibberish towards the end). Go ahead and cut more loose and find other Youtube videos for some ideas. Be sure to put “shaking practice” in your search.

So now you have a few of my secrets. Now that you’ve physically processed your “stuff,” put butt to chair and start writing!

The Unexpected Freedom Drunk

Can you feel the healing vibes of this wonderful place? Catalonia in the right window. She spent a lot of time there.

So not too long ago, I wrote a blog post about Adventure or Stability in the Writer’s Life. For those who’d like to read about that, there will be a link to that post at the end of this one.

 

Suffice to say, that’s all changed now and that’s given me something to write about.

 

I broke off my engagement and that puts me back in the freedom-junkie phase of life. But this time I’m on the road in a very peculiar adventure. I’m vagabonding on the outskirts of Portland until my ex and her daughter move out of my house. And I have 4 cats with me.

Aengus and Rimsky Korsakitty

 

As break-ups go, this may have seemed sudden to my ex. But we’ve been hanging on by a thread for almost a year, and we’ve had many break-up talks in that time. We even negotiated everything from money to who keeps how many cats to me leaving my own house until my ex and her daughter move out, etc. All the logistics discussed beforehand, when it was time to pull the band-aid off cancer it was time. So how “sudden” can this really be?

 

Maybe I’m in pain and I’m too numb to know it. Perhaps I’ll feel it when I’m back home in my house that will be empty of their presence and their things. Maybe then I’ll be overcome with a tidal wave of grief and loss. But I suspect we stayed together far past our natural expiration date.

 

I felt heavy in my heart on waking up every morning for the first week or so, but nothing that I couldn’t shake off within an hour. Other than that, the most notable sensation of each day is relief.

 

I’m more than 3 weeks past that day when I tore off the band-aid holding our relationship together, and the crushing pain of loss has yet to overcome me. If anything, I feel freedom drunk.

Zephyr and Aengus

I thought that ridiculous sensation of the post-break-up-freedom-drunk ended with my 20’s. This is different. I don’t feel the euphoric giddiness I savored after extricating myself from a toxic relationship when I was young. But I do feel alive. Many people have told me that I seem lighter since I left. Why wouldn’t I? I finally ended a relationship that lasted too long for all the wrong reasons – on my end as well as my ex-partner’s end.

 

Of course, the first place I stayed helped a lot. It was an absolute jewel, filled with color and light and spaciousness, and oozing with healing vibes I desperately needed. When I got there at Estancia Serenova, I was still in shock. My hostess, Lisa, was so warm and supportive and encouraging that I did the right thing. She also accepted all my cats. That was no easy feat, finding places that were ok with them.

Zephyr

I felt held in that beautiful space, and I stayed there for two weeks.

 

Where I am now is pleasant enough. I’m on a ranch north of Portland. I’ve enjoyed seeing the freaked out fascination of the cats over the sight and sound of horses, far more massive than dogs.

 

But it’s the opposite of the light and spaciousness of where I was before. It’s dark and constricted. I have far less space and the cats are starting to drive me a little nuts with their restlessness. But I can appreciate the yin and yang balance of this change – going from the light and expansive to the dark and constrictive. Healing of hope and renewal and then the reality that growing pains hurt for a reason. That’s where I’m at now. And part of me wants to run back to the space and color and light of Estancia Serenova.

 

And maybe I will. The cats liked it too. They had far more space to run and jump, and they loved going up and down that ladder to the loft.

Rimsky Korsakitty

This is not the most fun I’ve ever had on a road trip. But this post break-up freedom drunk is an odyssey of sorts, this bizarre limbo that is really starting to get to me. As a whole, I feel really blessed. I’m lucky that I’m able to distance myself instead of getting mired in the twisty, gnarly web of push and pull that characterizes the last gasps of a dying relationship.

 

Okay, time to stop now. I’m getting maudlin and gloomy. But this is the first thing I’ve written in weeks. Maybe I’ll return to my novel soon.

 

Link to previous post, click here.

By the way, aren’t my cats pretty?

Catalonia and Aengus